Thank you, JoAnn. It's been hard to know what to write, with everything going on. I'm glad something simple connected with you. Thanks so much for letting me know!
With you it always seems to be "This TENDER Moment" which ever arrives in the most inviting form of full-heartedness that softens everything in me and prepares me to be a little more human for the day. And this, “Maybe I think they’re a dork.” - the very essence of dad-hood everywhere. Thank you as always for your exquisitely shared memories and reflections.
Thank you, my friend. That's unbelievably kind of you to say. We have a lot of family catchphrases thanks to my dad, but "Maybe I think they're a dork" is up there. And of course, he left the house with the sweatshirt still tucked, unswayed by us.
OMG it's "THE" Emma Tourtelot. : ) I only say that because I'm holding your book in my hand, which has an amazing look and feel by the way. I am not a novel reader, at all, but knowing some of the backstory of your new book's creation I got my copy and have started into the first few chapters. Dang, I'll you, the Tourtelots know what to do with words. Such wonderful writing and instantly magnetic characters with such rich interior lives. You all are a dream team.
Oh, thank you so much for getting the book, Rick -- I'm glad Rob managed to convince you to give fiction a chance. And so happy to hear you're enjoying it so far.
I see that Simon & Schuster has published it, that's great! (I have friends who have had to self-publish their books, it's tough to get a traditional publisher.) I'm very excited to read it---I'm going to order it tomorrow from my favorite independent bookseller. I love reading about families, with characters who have complex emotions and challenging situations. I'm also a children's/YA librarian, so having a teen character interests me very much. Congratulations on your debut novel---your family must be so proud!--With admiration, Shelley
Hi from a fellow librarian! (I'm a middle school librarian.) And thank you for getting my book (and especially for supporting indie booksellers). My book is actually published by She Writes Press, which is distributed by S&S. She Writes is a hybrid press that publishes only women. I chatted with Sari Botton about my experience over on MemoirLand if you're interested... https://memoirland.substack.com/p/an-interview-with-emma-tourtelot?utm_source=publication-search
I read a little bit about you, Emma, and found out that you're also a librarian. I think it's the most wonderful profession----the opportunity to introduce children (and adults) to worlds beyond their own through fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, in whatever format works for them---and the increasingly important obligation to teach about authoritative information---even my third graders knew that word during my career! Speaking of information, thank you for telling me about She Writes Press----and I look forward to reading your interview with Sari Botton. Also, I'm part of a retired school librarian group---we eat, drink, talk about books, travel, and our families instead of how to align the Common Core standards with library skills, LOL---and there are several middle school librarians, so I'll see if any of them have read your book. (Although I don't have it yet to show them.)
I have a recording of my mom saying “Jill, are you there? I’ve lost contact with my phone. I can’t find my phone. Are you there?” She says it about four times. I just lost mom in June of last year, so it’s hard to hear her voice right now. It’s hard to think about the years of dementia. But, dammit, I will keep that message, because one day it will be funny again. She was always losing that damn deal! Thank you for your story. You have inspired me to write down some of my own.
Sorry to hear about your mom, Jill. Dementia is so hard. I went through it with both parents. And you’re still less than a year out. I hope you write your stories down, whenever the time feels right. Please let me know when you do.
Jill, My brilliant mom also had demential. For several years I couldn't think of her without seeing her as she was at the last. And then one day, out of the blue, her voice spoke in my head, giving me her trademark practical advice and telling me to follow it!! Just as she used to do with me and my brothers! Now I remember her in her strength, and its beautiful. This will happen to you, too---but it just takes time....
I just miss the real Mom so terribly. I like to think that, when she passed, all of that mental chaos disappeared, and wherever she is now, she can be her original self again. I look forward to a time when my awful sadness lifts, and I can hear her voice again. Thank you for your kind words, Shelley.
My heart goes out to you, Jill. Aren't we blessed to have had moms whose love we carry with us now? I thought while growing up that ALL mothers were like mine, and of course found out as I grew older that this was not always the case. It's a cliche, but it's also true, that to open ourselves to love is also to open ourselves to pain. But also to great joy. And we must go through both. Take care.
Thank you, Rob. Our stories make me sad now, but I’m sure one day I’ll be able to tell them with laughter and lightheartedness again. I was so lucky that Mom had one lucid day not long before she passed. We retold many of our stories to each other and she seemed to remember them all. Hard to think on now, but a very special gift.
I've often heard people talk of this lucidity. It is both so hard and a real gift. My mom seemed quite unaware in the end of what was happening, which was also so hard and a gift. I'm very grateful that you're here, and sharing these beautiful recollections.
Thanks so much, Betsy. That was a good stretch of San Vicente back then. I hear Bergen’s is a tae-kwon-do studio now. Regular Jon’s is probably what I miss the most from that era.
My Dad’s “death anniversary” (three years) next month, on my birthday, thanks Dad, love you anyway. God I miss him, when will this get easier? Why am I crying right now? I hate March 25th.
Just to let you know, this has really stuck with me, and I thought about your comment again today. These dates are so hard, and I just wanted you to know that I’m sending you all my very best as next month approaches.
Thank you, Rob. You’re such a kind and thoughtful soul. It comforts me to know that someone was listening when I screamed into the darkness, not for the first time, and certainly not the last.
Rob, I love your snapshots in time! Today, every single moment is captured and preserved through cell phones, leading to the inexplicable choice of some people to capture an experience through their phone, rather than actually living it. But "back in the day" these memories were rarely captured in any permanent way. And they can blossom into a whole constellation of beautiful recollections, as your answering machine did. When my mom died and I was sorting through her things, I found the letters that she and I had written back and forth in 1973, when I had spent 3 months in Israel before the Yom Kippur war. She spoke about events and people who I had long forgotten. Her distinctive writing was done on both sides of the paper, using that incredibly thin, transparent, blue-ish paper that was exclusively for letters going to a foreign country---and I had DEFINITELY forgotten about that! She had a cookbook---Mom was a fantastic cook and baker---with her hand-written notes in the margins, which brought me back to her voice saying "Everything needs to be mise-on-place---in its place---before you even begin to cook or bake!" and many other gems of the culinary variety---all from seeing her writing in a falling-apart Julia Child or Jewish Cookery cookbook. And the address books of yore! Names, addresses, phone numbers with no area code, none needed---memories flooded in of the phone number from my childhood apartment, and my 3 brothers yelling at me to "Get off the phone!!" because we only had one phone, and I was a talker. I could spend hours on the phone talking to my girlfriends, if allowed (which I was usually NOT allowed, LOL.) How many beautiful memories come from the answering machine, the thin paper, the address book, the cookbooks---so precious, bringing back those we love, the times in which they and we lived in, and the people of that world--who are now gone. Thank you, Rob, once again, for your wonderful Reflections.
Shelley, you always leave the most wonderful, thoughtful comments. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful memories here. I do remember my mom (who was Australian) sending those blue-tinted letters back and forth with her family back home. I think it took months for those overseas letters to arrive. I love the story of you talking for hours on the phone. The oldest of my younger sisters (I have three)… the one from this piece, she did the same thing. HOURS! Before call waiting, I’m not sure anyone could ever get through to our house. Anyway, thank you so much for the care and beauty in your comments, which are always such a joy.
Beautifully conjures the bitter sweet memories from childhood of parents we miss. Brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
You're so kind, Marisa, thank you. I'm really glad this connected.
Well, I'm now deep in all of my 'feels' this morning. Thank you for the wonderful simple memory. Sometimes they are the absolute best.
Thank you, JoAnn. It's been hard to know what to write, with everything going on. I'm glad something simple connected with you. Thanks so much for letting me know!
I was pulled in. Thank you for writing!
Thank you, Megan! That's really lovely to hear.
I love the way you write. I love what you write! I was born in 1949. Can you imagine all I’ve seen? The “after the beep” was Magic! Thank you!!
I can only imagine—and in color, too! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and that you took the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. I appreciate you!
Dad was right. They totally were a dork. I loved this!! (Obviously ☺️). Love you!
Love you. 😘
Rob, this is the real deal—tender, funny and beautifully wrought. Personal
Aside: I remember when answering machines destroyed answering services.
Answering services! I remember those, too. Thank you so much for your kind words, which always buoy me.
My pleasure.
With you it always seems to be "This TENDER Moment" which ever arrives in the most inviting form of full-heartedness that softens everything in me and prepares me to be a little more human for the day. And this, “Maybe I think they’re a dork.” - the very essence of dad-hood everywhere. Thank you as always for your exquisitely shared memories and reflections.
Thank you, my friend. That's unbelievably kind of you to say. We have a lot of family catchphrases thanks to my dad, but "Maybe I think they're a dork" is up there. And of course, he left the house with the sweatshirt still tucked, unswayed by us.
"softens everything in me and prepares me to be a little more human for the day" --> I love this!
OMG it's "THE" Emma Tourtelot. : ) I only say that because I'm holding your book in my hand, which has an amazing look and feel by the way. I am not a novel reader, at all, but knowing some of the backstory of your new book's creation I got my copy and have started into the first few chapters. Dang, I'll you, the Tourtelots know what to do with words. Such wonderful writing and instantly magnetic characters with such rich interior lives. You all are a dream team.
Oh, thank you so much for getting the book, Rick -- I'm glad Rob managed to convince you to give fiction a chance. And so happy to hear you're enjoying it so far.
Emma, What is the title of your book? I would love to read it, since I DO read and enjoy novels immensely!
Thank you Shelley, I would be honored! It’s called No One You Know.
I see that Simon & Schuster has published it, that's great! (I have friends who have had to self-publish their books, it's tough to get a traditional publisher.) I'm very excited to read it---I'm going to order it tomorrow from my favorite independent bookseller. I love reading about families, with characters who have complex emotions and challenging situations. I'm also a children's/YA librarian, so having a teen character interests me very much. Congratulations on your debut novel---your family must be so proud!--With admiration, Shelley
This makes me so happy, Shelley! I'm very biased, of course, but I do think you'll love it.
What a talented family you have, Rob! It was cool to see that Emma is a librarian, too!
Hi from a fellow librarian! (I'm a middle school librarian.) And thank you for getting my book (and especially for supporting indie booksellers). My book is actually published by She Writes Press, which is distributed by S&S. She Writes is a hybrid press that publishes only women. I chatted with Sari Botton about my experience over on MemoirLand if you're interested... https://memoirland.substack.com/p/an-interview-with-emma-tourtelot?utm_source=publication-search
I read a little bit about you, Emma, and found out that you're also a librarian. I think it's the most wonderful profession----the opportunity to introduce children (and adults) to worlds beyond their own through fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, in whatever format works for them---and the increasingly important obligation to teach about authoritative information---even my third graders knew that word during my career! Speaking of information, thank you for telling me about She Writes Press----and I look forward to reading your interview with Sari Botton. Also, I'm part of a retired school librarian group---we eat, drink, talk about books, travel, and our families instead of how to align the Common Core standards with library skills, LOL---and there are several middle school librarians, so I'll see if any of them have read your book. (Although I don't have it yet to show them.)
Nicely done. Enchanting.
Thanks so much, Elizabeth! I appreciate it.
Such a lovely read - thank you!
Thank you, Andie! Very glad to have you reading.
Lovely!
Thanks so much, my friend. I appreciate your reading, and letting me know that it connected.
I have a recording of my mom saying “Jill, are you there? I’ve lost contact with my phone. I can’t find my phone. Are you there?” She says it about four times. I just lost mom in June of last year, so it’s hard to hear her voice right now. It’s hard to think about the years of dementia. But, dammit, I will keep that message, because one day it will be funny again. She was always losing that damn deal! Thank you for your story. You have inspired me to write down some of my own.
Sorry to hear about your mom, Jill. Dementia is so hard. I went through it with both parents. And you’re still less than a year out. I hope you write your stories down, whenever the time feels right. Please let me know when you do.
Jill, My brilliant mom also had demential. For several years I couldn't think of her without seeing her as she was at the last. And then one day, out of the blue, her voice spoke in my head, giving me her trademark practical advice and telling me to follow it!! Just as she used to do with me and my brothers! Now I remember her in her strength, and its beautiful. This will happen to you, too---but it just takes time....
I just miss the real Mom so terribly. I like to think that, when she passed, all of that mental chaos disappeared, and wherever she is now, she can be her original self again. I look forward to a time when my awful sadness lifts, and I can hear her voice again. Thank you for your kind words, Shelley.
I really feel this, Jill. Sending all my very best to you.
My heart goes out to you, Jill. Aren't we blessed to have had moms whose love we carry with us now? I thought while growing up that ALL mothers were like mine, and of course found out as I grew older that this was not always the case. It's a cliche, but it's also true, that to open ourselves to love is also to open ourselves to pain. But also to great joy. And we must go through both. Take care.
Me too! My friends didn’t want want to go out. They wanted to come over and hang out with me and my mom!
Thank you, Rob. Our stories make me sad now, but I’m sure one day I’ll be able to tell them with laughter and lightheartedness again. I was so lucky that Mom had one lucid day not long before she passed. We retold many of our stories to each other and she seemed to remember them all. Hard to think on now, but a very special gift.
I've often heard people talk of this lucidity. It is both so hard and a real gift. My mom seemed quite unaware in the end of what was happening, which was also so hard and a gift. I'm very grateful that you're here, and sharing these beautiful recollections.
Ah, man, this is great writing. You’re so good at seeing the magic in the everyday.
That’s amazing to hear, thank you, my friend. I really appreciate your sharing, as well.
Awww, I remember Bergen's! What a sweet essay.
Thanks so much, Betsy. That was a good stretch of San Vicente back then. I hear Bergen’s is a tae-kwon-do studio now. Regular Jon’s is probably what I miss the most from that era.
I so appreciate your reading, and the kind words!
My Dad’s “death anniversary” (three years) next month, on my birthday, thanks Dad, love you anyway. God I miss him, when will this get easier? Why am I crying right now? I hate March 25th.
Just to let you know, this has really stuck with me, and I thought about your comment again today. These dates are so hard, and I just wanted you to know that I’m sending you all my very best as next month approaches.
Thank you, Rob. You’re such a kind and thoughtful soul. It comforts me to know that someone was listening when I screamed into the darkness, not for the first time, and certainly not the last.
I’m so sorry, Claire. I can feel how much you miss him. It’s such an unbelievably hard thing.
Such beautiful writing, Rob--you have a gift for creating magic with the simple stories you tell. Your posts are always a treat to read.
So kind of you to say, Elizabeth, thank you. That's a really lovely thing to say. I appreciate your sharing the piece, too.
Rob, I love your snapshots in time! Today, every single moment is captured and preserved through cell phones, leading to the inexplicable choice of some people to capture an experience through their phone, rather than actually living it. But "back in the day" these memories were rarely captured in any permanent way. And they can blossom into a whole constellation of beautiful recollections, as your answering machine did. When my mom died and I was sorting through her things, I found the letters that she and I had written back and forth in 1973, when I had spent 3 months in Israel before the Yom Kippur war. She spoke about events and people who I had long forgotten. Her distinctive writing was done on both sides of the paper, using that incredibly thin, transparent, blue-ish paper that was exclusively for letters going to a foreign country---and I had DEFINITELY forgotten about that! She had a cookbook---Mom was a fantastic cook and baker---with her hand-written notes in the margins, which brought me back to her voice saying "Everything needs to be mise-on-place---in its place---before you even begin to cook or bake!" and many other gems of the culinary variety---all from seeing her writing in a falling-apart Julia Child or Jewish Cookery cookbook. And the address books of yore! Names, addresses, phone numbers with no area code, none needed---memories flooded in of the phone number from my childhood apartment, and my 3 brothers yelling at me to "Get off the phone!!" because we only had one phone, and I was a talker. I could spend hours on the phone talking to my girlfriends, if allowed (which I was usually NOT allowed, LOL.) How many beautiful memories come from the answering machine, the thin paper, the address book, the cookbooks---so precious, bringing back those we love, the times in which they and we lived in, and the people of that world--who are now gone. Thank you, Rob, once again, for your wonderful Reflections.
Shelley, you always leave the most wonderful, thoughtful comments. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful memories here. I do remember my mom (who was Australian) sending those blue-tinted letters back and forth with her family back home. I think it took months for those overseas letters to arrive. I love the story of you talking for hours on the phone. The oldest of my younger sisters (I have three)… the one from this piece, she did the same thing. HOURS! Before call waiting, I’m not sure anyone could ever get through to our house. Anyway, thank you so much for the care and beauty in your comments, which are always such a joy.