Rob! I just love your writing and storytelling my friend. This was what I call a FAT essay, Funny, Authentic, and True, which is my favorite kind. Your essay is going into my special bucket, and I don’t pick up every one!
Oh darn. I thought you might be closer. I am gigging in Boston tomorrow, but not there long enough to detour and fit in a visit. I’ll have to leave an extra day next time.
Thank you, Anna! It is everything, isn't it? I love seeing them in rock collector mode. Fortunately, I've found going to the beach can keep taking them back to that, even when they're older. I took my sixteen-year-old daughter on a winter beach walk recently, and she stuffed her cargo pants pockets so full of rocks, she was practically limping.
Rob, you are absolutely adorable (sorry, couldn’t resist). More seriously: You’ve expressed a profound truth with the utmost simplicity. The bucket of rocks. The revelation that people can annoy the hell out of each other and not leave. It seems so obvious, I wonder why I never said it myself. The obvious things are the hardest to discover and write.
I enjoyed your story of loving Emma. My husband and I have surpassed 42 years of marriage so far, and l feel grateful each morning that we wake, breathe, still laugh together and reach for each other. May you both continue in mutual appreciation and gentleness.
Thank you Lois! 42 years is really something. What a lovely comment to receive, thank you. I do think, pretty often, how lucky I am, rolling over to see Emma there.
Rob, I realized I hadn't commented on this because it's hanging out in my inbox as I read it over and over. What a fabulous story, that has several wonderful teachings, especially for all of us who have gotten scared in relationships, and are fearful of our rocks. AND of course it's a hallmark of a well-written essay. Last, thank goodness for the hero - Emma :)
Thanks so much, my friend. This means a great deal to hear, and Emma was very pleased to hear the last part, which I read out to her. Hope to see you again soon.
What an great introductory piece this was. I am glad I followed the trail to your writing. I will be back for more. As to marriage -- 43 years but who's counting. He's my soul mate and makes me a better person for sure.
Your storytelling is so beautiful—you have a way of making it feel effortless, thought I know very well that it isn’t. Thanks for the peek into your marriage. 💛
This was lovely Rob. What I thought of is my own tendency, when things get rough, to default to thinking that leaving is the only answer. Your point about being able to get annoyed and have serious arguments and still stick around is spot on. Our spouses are like learning partners here so we can discover new ways to be in relationship.
Yes, Emily—100%. I've learned more in disagreement than I'd ever expected. Who knew there was an upside to these things? I really appreciate the thoughtful comment, and am so glad this resonated!
I loved this, Rob. 27 years your junior, from what I know about you as a father and husband, you are a role model for how I want to lead my life.
This line really stuck out for me: "I think we get along better by letting go of our fixed ideas about who we are, and what makes a good marriage. Not knowing leaves open so much possibility and hope. Everything is changing, all the time, including us."
As soon as we drop all preconceived notions and expectations for who we think our partner is or should be, we can start loving them for who they are. I think so many relationships have been ruined, or maybe not even started, because we are taught to think that the person we love and marry will be perfect. That they will save and fix us. That once we find them, life will be fairy tale perfect. But they are just a person, with as many blind spots and issues as us. Once we realize that, which I am in the slow process of doing, we allow ourselves to develop a real and meaningful life long relationship.
Thanks for sharing this lovely story and beautiful writing.
Thanks so much, Jack—such an incredibly thoughtful comment. I really appreciate this. Funny how we both posted today on a similar note, about letting go of our stories. It's amazing how much wisdom you've come into at your age—decades ahead of most people. It's really extraordinary.
Rob! I just love your writing and storytelling my friend. This was what I call a FAT essay, Funny, Authentic, and True, which is my favorite kind. Your essay is going into my special bucket, and I don’t pick up every one!
Oh man, this is just the greatest thing to read, thank you! I'm learning a ton from your weekly storytelling group.
How far away are you from Boston Rob?
It's about a 3.5 hour drive.
Oh darn. I thought you might be closer. I am gigging in Boston tomorrow, but not there long enough to detour and fit in a visit. I’ll have to leave an extra day next time.
Ah, what a pity. We'll make it work another time!
Wonderful! My son does the same thing with the rocks... and I finally just realized, it's special, if it's special to him ...which is everything.
Thank you, Anna! It is everything, isn't it? I love seeing them in rock collector mode. Fortunately, I've found going to the beach can keep taking them back to that, even when they're older. I took my sixteen-year-old daughter on a winter beach walk recently, and she stuffed her cargo pants pockets so full of rocks, she was practically limping.
Gah, this was so sweet!
Thank you, Charlie!
Rob, you are absolutely adorable (sorry, couldn’t resist). More seriously: You’ve expressed a profound truth with the utmost simplicity. The bucket of rocks. The revelation that people can annoy the hell out of each other and not leave. It seems so obvious, I wonder why I never said it myself. The obvious things are the hardest to discover and write.
Thank you, Rona—as always, a comment that has made my day.
Heart (because I couldn’t find that icon).
I enjoyed your story of loving Emma. My husband and I have surpassed 42 years of marriage so far, and l feel grateful each morning that we wake, breathe, still laugh together and reach for each other. May you both continue in mutual appreciation and gentleness.
PS I still collect rocks!
Thank you Lois! 42 years is really something. What a lovely comment to receive, thank you. I do think, pretty often, how lucky I am, rolling over to see Emma there.
Rob, I realized I hadn't commented on this because it's hanging out in my inbox as I read it over and over. What a fabulous story, that has several wonderful teachings, especially for all of us who have gotten scared in relationships, and are fearful of our rocks. AND of course it's a hallmark of a well-written essay. Last, thank goodness for the hero - Emma :)
Thanks so much, my friend. This means a great deal to hear, and Emma was very pleased to hear the last part, which I read out to her. Hope to see you again soon.
What an great introductory piece this was. I am glad I followed the trail to your writing. I will be back for more. As to marriage -- 43 years but who's counting. He's my soul mate and makes me a better person for sure.
Lovely to read this, Bernie. So glad to have you reading.
Your storytelling is so beautiful—you have a way of making it feel effortless, thought I know very well that it isn’t. Thanks for the peek into your marriage. 💛
I missed this, long ago. Thank you so much, Jenn!
Really lovely Rob.
Thanks so much, pal. Hope to see you and your lovely fam this summer.
Honest and touching.
I appreciate that, Matt 🙏
Wow, this is what love is like...
Thank you, Chao. So great to have your early feedback on the intro, and to read this now. 🙏
Love this.
Thank you, my friend. Always happy to see you here. 🙏
This was lovely Rob. What I thought of is my own tendency, when things get rough, to default to thinking that leaving is the only answer. Your point about being able to get annoyed and have serious arguments and still stick around is spot on. Our spouses are like learning partners here so we can discover new ways to be in relationship.
Yes, Emily—100%. I've learned more in disagreement than I'd ever expected. Who knew there was an upside to these things? I really appreciate the thoughtful comment, and am so glad this resonated!
Beautiful!
Thank you, Cherie! I really appreciate your reading and always leaving a lovely comment. 🙏
I loved this, Rob. 27 years your junior, from what I know about you as a father and husband, you are a role model for how I want to lead my life.
This line really stuck out for me: "I think we get along better by letting go of our fixed ideas about who we are, and what makes a good marriage. Not knowing leaves open so much possibility and hope. Everything is changing, all the time, including us."
As soon as we drop all preconceived notions and expectations for who we think our partner is or should be, we can start loving them for who they are. I think so many relationships have been ruined, or maybe not even started, because we are taught to think that the person we love and marry will be perfect. That they will save and fix us. That once we find them, life will be fairy tale perfect. But they are just a person, with as many blind spots and issues as us. Once we realize that, which I am in the slow process of doing, we allow ourselves to develop a real and meaningful life long relationship.
Thanks for sharing this lovely story and beautiful writing.
Thanks so much, Jack—such an incredibly thoughtful comment. I really appreciate this. Funny how we both posted today on a similar note, about letting go of our stories. It's amazing how much wisdom you've come into at your age—decades ahead of most people. It's really extraordinary.
early won wisdom Jack, and I agree