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James Bailey's avatar

Rob, this is so beautiful, and so important. To give room to all of the shadow sides of a person, including ourselves, so that we may call forth the goodness in someone, the impact they’ve had, the imprint they’ve made.

“Once I started, though, something dislodged in me. Despite the violence and chaos she brought to our family, this abundance of things tumbled out like little prayers, countless pinpricks of light in the night sky—some of them actually bright stars, given the darkness surrounding them. All of these blessings from such a difficult relationship.”

I have a mom in memory care. And I have had a tumultuous relationship with her. Thank you for writing this. It has had an impact on me. ❤️

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

James, thanks so much for this. You've said it so perfectly: "give room to all of the shadow sides of a person, including ourselves, so that we may call forth the goodness in someone". Your comment has had an impact on me, as well. It makes an unbelievably hard situation just that little bit less isolating, hearing from others who have gone or are going through similar. Really sorry to hear about your mom. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

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James Bailey's avatar

Thank you Rob. 🙏

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Rick Lewis's avatar

"We're all tall poppies!" Indeed! The story about the gratitude list for your mom was very moving, and a reminder for me to share that list with a few people before our last moments together.

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

Thanks so much, Rick—that means a lot. And yes, I'd like to do more sharing before the last moments with someone, too.

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Jack Dixon's avatar

This was wonderful, Rob. Gratitude being “bragging to yourself” is the kind of unadulterated clarity that only a child could see. The story of you writing a list of all that you were grateful of from your mother is beautiful — this is something Im going to do and send my mom. A reminder to not only be honest with yourself about how sweet you have it — and to write down what exactly makes this such a sweet ride — but to share with others about everything they bring to your life. Great to see you publishing :)

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

Oh, if this inspired you to send your mom a list, that would be incredible. My daughter started a holiday tradition of each person going around the table and saying one thing you're grateful for about every other person. We did it when my in-laws were here, and it felt a bit forced and awkward for maybe 10 seconds, then quickly became quite moving. Thanks, as always, for reading!

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Jack Dixon's avatar

I have a long journey ahead of me today flying from Thailand back home so I think I’ll make a list on the plane. Thanks for the idea! I love that… I did something similar with my girlfriend’s extended family. I was quite nervous to go being the new one at the table but it was an awesome practice that brought laughs, smiles, happiness, and joy.

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Libby Fosters's avatar

Beautiful piece, Rob. This is my favorite line: This abundance of things tumbled out like little prayers, countless pinpricks of light in the night sky—some of them actually bright stars, given the darkness surrounding them. All of these blessings from such a difficult relationship.

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

Thank you, Libby! I'm so happy this connected, and to see you here.

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John Nathan's avatar

Beautiful Rob. Grief and Gratitude. Can't have the latter without the former...

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

Thank you, my friend. 🙏

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Cherie Lee's avatar

I can relate to this, Rob. I've tried keeping a gratitude journal several times, but it just turns in to a, "what I did today," journal. Whlte there is so much I am truly grateful for, I have that old superstitious feeling of if I dwell on it too much, the world will notice and swat me back down to size. I'm working on it!

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Rob Tourtelot's avatar

Yes, same Cherie! I'm curious to hear how it goes for you.

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