Chuckling, I read your subtitle aloud to my other half, who also laughed. We talked about my recent trip to Australia, when I left him with pages of food instructions (he is amazing, and he doesn't cook), and about the time before, Hawaii I think, when he used dish soap in the dishwasher. From there, I wandered off into thoughts about the money he's saved us on home improvements and repairs, how I broke one of our prettiest planter pots because I didn't want to wait for him to help me move it, how he is always so happy to see me at the end of the day... Loved every relatable moment here!
This makes me so happy, Elizabeth, thank you! I'm glad you can relate. I'm thrilled to know that you and your other half got a chuckle out of this one.
In the earlier comment, you mentioned the Australia connection, so I’ll dive in. Our younger daughter lived in Sydney for five years but left in mid-May. It was my second visit, first time going solo. :)
Ah, fantastic. Yes, my mom was from Adelaide, so we have family there and in Sydney. I'm glad you got to visit. It's a wonderful country, but a long way from everywhere! There's so much calamity the left-behind spouse could find themselves in, being solo for that long.
Rob, I am in awe of your willingness to prepare fresh pasta for company on your first time working with it. Well done for having it come out so perfectly!
Additionally, you are such an inspiration with how you continued to honor your son and his well-intentioned clipper experience while up to your ears in something requiring your full attention. That is nothing short of a human miracle and it is beautiful to experience it through your heartening and funny telling of the story.
I hope your wife is home before more hair is lost.
Thank you so much, Cathy! What a lovely and thoughtful comment. I’m still a bit staggered that he chose to groom the dog on his own. It’s a thankless task, and takes a couple hours with the dog squirming the whole time, so I have to give him credit for that. Only a few more days solo, so we’re all holding on!
Bravo on capturing this! I have a story to share that the canine crime scene reminded me of.. Big night in our house.. My daughter just had played a piano concerto with her Philips Andover orchestra, around age 16, and I was doing a reception at the house.. (close by) my son, around 12 ish had put together a chocolate fountain.. I melted 100's of dollars worth of Lindt chocolate and there was a giant platter of cut fruit ready for this beautiful chocolate fountain.. we started to pour it in as this thing rotated and we watched the molten deliciousness rise and rise until the moment it was supposed to come cascading down - instead, it started whipping around like a water sprinkler, 8 feet in every direction- on all walls, clothing, dining table, people nearby.. Jackson Pollack paintings everywhere.. My arms were covered.. I looked like Lady Macbeth..
Emma, if you are reading this, you should know that Rob was on time for lunch. He picked the restaurant and even made reservations for us!
Rob, I don’t know if I will ever fully feel like an adult capable of doing half the things Laurel can do. Whenever I try, I remind myself—and everyone else—how much supervision I need. Like the time I tried to hang some paper shades in our garage. Laurel had just asked me if I needed help and was barely five blocks away when I split my head open, requiring a dozen staples to stop the bleeding. This happened many years ago, but I’m reminded of it every time I begin a project on my own.
I had no idea that happened—how harrowing! Glad you were okay, and that we have our better halves to keep us on track. Also very happy I got to see you and the fam for lunch!
You have so much patience and equanimity. I would have been freaking out and then mad at myself. Your kids are lucky to have you as a dad - and yes, you did hold it together in the ways that count.
Thank you, Christine! I didn’t feel very patient or equanimous on the inside, though. I can present a pretty decent calm exterior for the kids, but it all felt like a very bumpy ride!
Oh, Rob, how I LOVE your columns! This one made me laugh right out loud, and also I wanted to be invited to partake in your yummy pasta, since I don't cook! (I was married to a top-flight chef and didn't cook for 26 years----and although we're amicably divorced, he wasn't going to come over and cook for me---hence my wanting to invite myself over for your dinner!) I remember those days of total family chaos, and to this day wanting to control everything. My son told me one time, "Mom! Go with the flow!" But I'm not a go-with-the flow type of person., much as I try I'm a librarian, I want everything in Dewey Decimal order, LOL! It sounds as if you're surrounded by the best-intended and loving family and adorable dog, Rob and what a blessing that is! I'm sure when you finally DID greet your visitors, they loved being with all of you. (And how sweet that you missed Emma so much, that is really special.....)
Librarians keep everything together, everywhere they go. This is why mayhem ensues when Emma leaves. Thank you so much, as always, for the kind words and support!
Shelley, you would appreciate my alphabetized spice drawer! I share a photo of it with my students to demonstrate the importance of systems of organization.
What a fabulous day that will be revered for the rest of your life, Rob. Like the pasta sauce, the flavor will get better with the laughter that accompanies every retelling!
Oh my, I want to have grown up in this family! Who saw the punchline coming? (Me, my husband midreads his calendar ALL THE TIME.) And we have a gremlin-slash-ewok too! A schnoodle to your yorkie, irresistible regardless of grooming bloopers. I'm still chuckling.
Ah, thank you, Paula! There's a reason these are shared calendars, obviously. Cheers to your schnoodle, as gremlin-ewok-style dogs tend toward constant hilarity. I did not know, however, before we got this dog that grooming was a thing we'd have to contend with. Our other dog is a mutt, and doesn't need grooming, but sheds everywhere. We have it all covered! Thank you for the kind words!
In Rob's defense, for the first few years of our marriage, I insisted on keeping a leatherbound desktop New Yorker calendar. I'm talking old-school desktop: It sat on my desk at home. Rob would be mortified when he'd be out with a friend and would have to call me to check our calendar. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of a shared iCal.
I dragged my husband kicking and screaming into the world of shared iCals several years ago, but still, the best laid plans... He's Oscar to my Felix. (Guess I'm dating myself here. Remember The Odd Couple?) I still use an analog agenda on my old-school desktop beside my macbook, which my husband thinks is way overfunctioning, but hey.
Oh dear god that is too funny! I'd consider it fiction if it didn't ring so true. I'd love to say I could have handled it as graciously and competently and cheerily as you, but none of that is true. My wife is the family saint and somehow willingly takes cares of me. I am lucky beyond belief ❤️🙏🏻😎
As of course I know - being the worse half of my own partnership (and the husband of your guest) - I am desperately managing my own home-front on the other side of the world. I love the irony that when I arrive in NY, you will be on my turf and I would be incredibly upset if Hayley doesn't make homemade pasta for your arrival. I'm so upset that I won't be here to see you but I will make sure Dylan shaves half of our border collie for your arrival.
I cannot believe we’re somehow missing each other, but hope we can catch up before too long. It doesn’t have to be homemade pasta, but a half-shorn border collie would be excellent.
Amazing timing on this one. The real owner and master of our terrier is my wife who is also away for two weeks while I have inherited care. The dog keeps looking at me and cocking her head trying to figure out how she's supposed to survive on my awkwardly delivered affection, much shorter walks, and apparently incorrect manner of presenting her food which she turns her nose up at until starving. If you'd been here with me this morning when I read your essay you'd have seen me sitting at home alone with my dog on the front porch, grinning madly from ear to ear, literally laughing out loud in parts, and then fantasizing about finding the hair clippers and working some magic on our pooch before my wife and son return. Seriously Rob, your writing and capacity to find the tender and funny in the most ordinary and real threads of humanness is something I always look forward to. Now enjoy the success of this essay for the next twelve minutes before you start worrying about how to write something just as good for your next post. I expect nothing less!! : ) ha ha. Grateful that you write man.
Chuckling, I read your subtitle aloud to my other half, who also laughed. We talked about my recent trip to Australia, when I left him with pages of food instructions (he is amazing, and he doesn't cook), and about the time before, Hawaii I think, when he used dish soap in the dishwasher. From there, I wandered off into thoughts about the money he's saved us on home improvements and repairs, how I broke one of our prettiest planter pots because I didn't want to wait for him to help me move it, how he is always so happy to see me at the end of the day... Loved every relatable moment here!
This makes me so happy, Elizabeth, thank you! I'm glad you can relate. I'm thrilled to know that you and your other half got a chuckle out of this one.
In the earlier comment, you mentioned the Australia connection, so I’ll dive in. Our younger daughter lived in Sydney for five years but left in mid-May. It was my second visit, first time going solo. :)
Ah, fantastic. Yes, my mom was from Adelaide, so we have family there and in Sydney. I'm glad you got to visit. It's a wonderful country, but a long way from everywhere! There's so much calamity the left-behind spouse could find themselves in, being solo for that long.
Rob, I am in awe of your willingness to prepare fresh pasta for company on your first time working with it. Well done for having it come out so perfectly!
Additionally, you are such an inspiration with how you continued to honor your son and his well-intentioned clipper experience while up to your ears in something requiring your full attention. That is nothing short of a human miracle and it is beautiful to experience it through your heartening and funny telling of the story.
I hope your wife is home before more hair is lost.
Thank you so much, Cathy! What a lovely and thoughtful comment. I’m still a bit staggered that he chose to groom the dog on his own. It’s a thankless task, and takes a couple hours with the dog squirming the whole time, so I have to give him credit for that. Only a few more days solo, so we’re all holding on!
Ha! Semi-ready for anything is a pretty good way to live.
It'd better be! x
Bravo on capturing this! I have a story to share that the canine crime scene reminded me of.. Big night in our house.. My daughter just had played a piano concerto with her Philips Andover orchestra, around age 16, and I was doing a reception at the house.. (close by) my son, around 12 ish had put together a chocolate fountain.. I melted 100's of dollars worth of Lindt chocolate and there was a giant platter of cut fruit ready for this beautiful chocolate fountain.. we started to pour it in as this thing rotated and we watched the molten deliciousness rise and rise until the moment it was supposed to come cascading down - instead, it started whipping around like a water sprinkler, 8 feet in every direction- on all walls, clothing, dining table, people nearby.. Jackson Pollack paintings everywhere.. My arms were covered.. I looked like Lady Macbeth..
Oh my... that is incredible. A straight-up movie scene. So good/horrendous! I appreciate you, Julie!
hehe, I knew I had found the crowd to share this with!
This is such an amazing story! A chocolate crime scene sounds like something Roald Dahl would write...
Funny !
Thank you, Audrey!
Classic! Funny and so relatable (aside from the fact that I refuse to entertain because I get too "stressy"). Also: your dog is cute.
Thank you, Julie! I really appreciate your reading, and the support.
Emma, if you are reading this, you should know that Rob was on time for lunch. He picked the restaurant and even made reservations for us!
Rob, I don’t know if I will ever fully feel like an adult capable of doing half the things Laurel can do. Whenever I try, I remind myself—and everyone else—how much supervision I need. Like the time I tried to hang some paper shades in our garage. Laurel had just asked me if I needed help and was barely five blocks away when I split my head open, requiring a dozen staples to stop the bleeding. This happened many years ago, but I’m reminded of it every time I begin a project on my own.
I had no idea that happened—how harrowing! Glad you were okay, and that we have our better halves to keep us on track. Also very happy I got to see you and the fam for lunch!
He is nothing if not punctual! I swear I was asking because I was bummed to miss lunch with you. 😊
I loved this Rob … i think best yet! Loved the bit “why are you stressing? … Im not I answered stressily”
Thank you, Malcolm! So good to know you’re reading along.
You have so much patience and equanimity. I would have been freaking out and then mad at myself. Your kids are lucky to have you as a dad - and yes, you did hold it together in the ways that count.
Thank you, Christine! I didn’t feel very patient or equanimous on the inside, though. I can present a pretty decent calm exterior for the kids, but it all felt like a very bumpy ride!
Oh, Rob, how I LOVE your columns! This one made me laugh right out loud, and also I wanted to be invited to partake in your yummy pasta, since I don't cook! (I was married to a top-flight chef and didn't cook for 26 years----and although we're amicably divorced, he wasn't going to come over and cook for me---hence my wanting to invite myself over for your dinner!) I remember those days of total family chaos, and to this day wanting to control everything. My son told me one time, "Mom! Go with the flow!" But I'm not a go-with-the flow type of person., much as I try I'm a librarian, I want everything in Dewey Decimal order, LOL! It sounds as if you're surrounded by the best-intended and loving family and adorable dog, Rob and what a blessing that is! I'm sure when you finally DID greet your visitors, they loved being with all of you. (And how sweet that you missed Emma so much, that is really special.....)
Librarians keep everything together, everywhere they go. This is why mayhem ensues when Emma leaves. Thank you so much, as always, for the kind words and support!
Shelley, you would appreciate my alphabetized spice drawer! I share a photo of it with my students to demonstrate the importance of systems of organization.
What a fabulous day that will be revered for the rest of your life, Rob. Like the pasta sauce, the flavor will get better with the laughter that accompanies every retelling!
Happy 4th!
Thank you so much, my friend! Emma certainly got a good laugh out of it. I appreciate you.
Oh my, I want to have grown up in this family! Who saw the punchline coming? (Me, my husband midreads his calendar ALL THE TIME.) And we have a gremlin-slash-ewok too! A schnoodle to your yorkie, irresistible regardless of grooming bloopers. I'm still chuckling.
Ah, thank you, Paula! There's a reason these are shared calendars, obviously. Cheers to your schnoodle, as gremlin-ewok-style dogs tend toward constant hilarity. I did not know, however, before we got this dog that grooming was a thing we'd have to contend with. Our other dog is a mutt, and doesn't need grooming, but sheds everywhere. We have it all covered! Thank you for the kind words!
In Rob's defense, for the first few years of our marriage, I insisted on keeping a leatherbound desktop New Yorker calendar. I'm talking old-school desktop: It sat on my desk at home. Rob would be mortified when he'd be out with a friend and would have to call me to check our calendar. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of a shared iCal.
I dragged my husband kicking and screaming into the world of shared iCals several years ago, but still, the best laid plans... He's Oscar to my Felix. (Guess I'm dating myself here. Remember The Odd Couple?) I still use an analog agenda on my old-school desktop beside my macbook, which my husband thinks is way overfunctioning, but hey.
Loved the Odd Couple. Oscar & Felix forever.
Oh dear god that is too funny! I'd consider it fiction if it didn't ring so true. I'd love to say I could have handled it as graciously and competently and cheerily as you, but none of that is true. My wife is the family saint and somehow willingly takes cares of me. I am lucky beyond belief ❤️🙏🏻😎
Thank you, Steven! We’re both lucky beyond belief.
As of course I know - being the worse half of my own partnership (and the husband of your guest) - I am desperately managing my own home-front on the other side of the world. I love the irony that when I arrive in NY, you will be on my turf and I would be incredibly upset if Hayley doesn't make homemade pasta for your arrival. I'm so upset that I won't be here to see you but I will make sure Dylan shaves half of our border collie for your arrival.
I cannot believe we’re somehow missing each other, but hope we can catch up before too long. It doesn’t have to be homemade pasta, but a half-shorn border collie would be excellent.
Nothing will beat that rogue cashew that did an acrobatic backflip into your pasta sauce!
Amazing timing on this one. The real owner and master of our terrier is my wife who is also away for two weeks while I have inherited care. The dog keeps looking at me and cocking her head trying to figure out how she's supposed to survive on my awkwardly delivered affection, much shorter walks, and apparently incorrect manner of presenting her food which she turns her nose up at until starving. If you'd been here with me this morning when I read your essay you'd have seen me sitting at home alone with my dog on the front porch, grinning madly from ear to ear, literally laughing out loud in parts, and then fantasizing about finding the hair clippers and working some magic on our pooch before my wife and son return. Seriously Rob, your writing and capacity to find the tender and funny in the most ordinary and real threads of humanness is something I always look forward to. Now enjoy the success of this essay for the next twelve minutes before you start worrying about how to write something just as good for your next post. I expect nothing less!! : ) ha ha. Grateful that you write man.
Thanks so much, my friend. I think the dogs know, don’t they? These are some lovely words, and I really appreciate you! Grateful that you write, too!
Rob, this is pure delight! I laughed out loud. Wish I could’ve walked through the door that night. I don’t mind a wet dog and love homemade pasta.
Thank you so much, Rona.. You’re welcome anytime! I will be sure to double check the dates prior.